I'm going to combine several different topics into today's blog, so you will be getting a little bit of everything. Think of it as a sample platter from your favorite restaurant. :)
We finished our foster parent training classes last Saturday! We learned many things in a short amount of time. The Hubs describes it as drinking from a fire hydrant.
A majority of our paperwork is done. In fact, enough of it has been completed that we were notified yesterday that we are rapidly moving toward the top of the homestudy list. No joke, they told us that we are within four to six weeks of verification. That means the state will have approved us and deemed us ready to receive kids into our home. We are still trying to take that time frame in... are we really ready?!
On the subject of paperwork, I have decided that it is much like sleep for a pregnant woman. Let me explain. Although I do not have first hand experience of trying to sleep while pregnant, I hear it can be very difficult. I have heard it said that your body is just getting you used to not having much sleep from here on out. I do have first hand experience with the large amount of documentation that has been needed to receive our foster home license. I am saying that the state is just getting us used to filling out paperwork for the duration of our time as foster parents. There is going to be a lot to keep up with.
I'm going to give my first "do not" advice to you as friends and family of foster parents. Actually, it's more of a "don't expect us to..." As we get to meet these precious little ones, we are going to be very careful about what info we share. We are the guardians of them and their story, and if we don't pass the story on to you, then you don't have the pressure of also being a guardian. It keeps you safe, us safe, and most importantly keeps the kids safe. I know a lot of you are faithful prayers and we are jealous for your prayers, but please offer them on our behalf even if you don't know all the details of what we are dealing with or where our kiddos come from. The Lord knows and we will trust Him with that!
In my last post I talked about a video series that can help anyone interested understand the concept of Therapeutic Parenting. There's some good info there. I also included a sweet song by JJ Heller. I'm loving her stuff so much right now... I can't resist sharing another one. :)
My last soapbox of the day, I promise! Love is necessary for what we are going to be doing as foster parents. But love is not enough. We are incapable of loving someone to the point of healing. We will love them, yes, but we will also talk to them, listen to them, set boundaries for them, meet their needs, provide positive experiences and relationships, and do our best to parent them. Our love is finite and fallible, but we know The One whose love is steadfast, unending, and perfect. "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10
A few pictures to finish off the sample platter today. We've done more landscaping and had a couple of adventures.
Tim got to go camping with his family and caught this sunrise.
A trip to the zoo is never complete without a little gator surfing.
Recycled pathway on the side of the house in the mud pit.
New light over the garage- one that actually works!
Finally filled in the hole with sod.
Recycled pathway in front of the house.
Got to throw a wedding shower in our backyard. Fun times!
I'm not sure we can do anything the normal way. And I'm ok with that.
Well friends, even though I feel like my brain might be at capacity, we still have a class tonight and then class all day Saturday to learn more stuff! Don't get me wrong. All the info is welcomed, valuable, and helpful... there's just so much of it.
Believe it or not, though, after Saturday we are finished with the training classes! Again, don't get me wrong. This does not mean will we have kids next week or anything. We still have several things to do, including our homestudy.
Since I have been learning so much and loving it, and as an attempt to get a couple of things out of my head, I thought I might share some insights we have learned. Some of the classes we have attended have been about how to parent children from difficult places. It kind of takes "traditional" parenting and turns it on it's ear.
Also, I (probably a little selfishly) want people to understand what it is we will be doing in our home. I'm not seeking approval, but it might help prevent some awkward conversations when we don't do things the way you think we should. Please don't hear that with a tone of rudeness. That is not my intent at all! I have just come to understand that being a foster parent is not what most people (including me until about a week ago) think it is.
So really, other people explain these things better than me. One of the resources we have been told about is a YouTube video series by Christine Moers. I'm a big fan. She is a foster mom and speaks from personal experiences. She's very real and honest... and funny! I'm willing to bet you can even benefit if you are a "normal" parent. (Is there such a thing?!) Here's one video, but there are several if you are interested. (You know how to YouTube)
Also, the amazing Liz sent this blog post to me recently from a guy we both respect from our Pine Cove days and I love the way he talks about foster parenting changing you. Feel free to read that as well.
As this journey has progressed, I find myself hearing and seeing things through a new lens- a mom lens. It's still new, scary, and exciting for me to be developing this "mom brain" sans pregnancy, but it's really happening. There are a couple of sweet things my heart has latched on to in the last couple of days that I want my kids to know, but they are also lessons I desperately need to remember and truly long for others to believe.
The first is Daniel 10:19.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
The second is Loved by JJ Heller. She's a new find and I like her!
Whew! If I don't blog today, it's quite possible I might not have the chance again until after we are finished with all our training. Everything is going really well, there's just a lot involved!
Let me first say that we LOVE our agency. They are awesome. We have now been through two weeks of training classes, which have been super. It has been overwhelming at times and a lot to process, but we are really thankful for this time of preparation. The information is so beneficial and really has helped us feel equipped to be foster parents. We have learned that all children in the foster care system have experienced trauma of some kind and our job is to try to make them feel loved and secure each day. We've been learning strategies on how to handle the behavior that could come our way. I could go into much detail, but really it's best explained face to face. Plus, the more we talk about it, the more it gets ingrained into our brains.
Let's just say that "traditional" parenting will not be our goal. This is going to be stretching for me. I come from a you-should-do-it-because-I-told-you-to kind of mindset, but these children will not understand that. I'm really excited to see how the Lord is going to use this to grow compassion and love in me. The Hubs, with his lack of experience with children, now feels confident about being around kids because of the things we have learned. And we both are excited to see the other being a mommy or daddy!
The worst thing about our classes is the chairs. Yall, seriously. After an all day Saturday class my tailbone was bruised. I'm talking, I can't bend over and it hurts all the time.
The "short list" of things we still need to do (and the reasons you may not see us for the next couple of weeks):
rearrange two rooms so that we have a kid room and an office/music/guest room
another week of training classes
a health inspection by the city on Wednesday
find a doctor and get physicals
a fire inspection at a time TBD
create a floor plan with escape routes
make a daily schedule
come up with house rules, consequences, and rewards
read three books
plus some other things I'm forgetting at the moment.
And all this needs to be done BEFORE they will do the homestudy for us. We have learned that once we do the homestudy there is a processing time of four to six weeks. After that we should be open for placement!
The only reason the above list is as short as it is, is because we have spectacular friends who gave up their Friday night for a baby-proofing party. They made quick work of some of the stuff we have needed to do around the house. Without a doubt we have THE best and most supportive friends and family around. Before we go one step further, we have to acknowledge and thank them... Thank you Karen and David for lunchtime debriefs, installing smoke detectors, the booster car seat, and the movie that will make me cry every time. Thank you Josiah and Ashley for giving up your Friday night right after Ashley got back from vacation with a wicked tan to install bike hooks, secure pictures to the wall, move heavy furniture, cover outlets, and install a fire extinguisher. Thanks Joel for letting Josiah borrow your drill, and by extension, letting us borrow your drill. Thanks Jordan and Caitlin for changing doorknobs, making the pictures level, getting the desk through the door after taking the door off it's hinges, and figuring out where to hide the cleaning products. I wish we could pay you in more than cookies! Thank Rusty, Ali, and Ethan for bringing the saw over to cut some shelves, the mama talk in the back porch rockers, the bassinet, and diapers. Thanks to everyone for the kind words, encouragement, support, and prayers. We couldn't do any of this without you. For real.
Hanging bikes = more room in the garage to store baby stuff.
Jordan changing out doorknobs. Some needed locks, some didn't.
Ashley and Caitlin helping me sleep better at night, knowing a kid can't (easily) knock these pictures off the wall anymore.
David installing the first of three smoke detectors. Are you up to code?
Don't you have to take the door off it's hinges for all desks to fit through? Probably not. They even have smiles on their faces!
Trying to put the fire extinguisher in a safe (and not too noticeable) place.
Remember that time Josiah put up the fire extinguisher in the kitchen and I bought the wrong size so we have to get another one? Oops.
I kind of feel like we're moving. Thankfully it's just a little bit of disarray that should quickly go away!
See? Smoke detectors.
This was the list we started with on Friday night. The shelves and books part will be done tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention how thankful we are for Caitlin's help?!
We're so excited! The Hubs and I have started training to be foster parents. I'm not quite sure how to tell all the details, so I will try to give the highlights up to this point.
Tim and I have both had adoption on our radars for quite a while... definitely since before we started dating. I remember being really excited to hear him say that he wanted to adopt some day. At the beginning of this year we decided that we needed to start doing some research about the process so we began looking at our options.
Our motivation for adoption comes from our knowledge of God's love for us. The Lord took us out of our messes, adopted us into His family and loves us completely. We want to share that love with others. We want to love the unloved. "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35
At first, we thought we would like to do a private adoption and adopt a newborn from a birthmother, but the more we found out, the less we liked that choice. Also in the beginning, I completely rejected the idea of foster to adopt because I knew there would be a possibility of having children in and out of our home and I thought that would be too difficult for me.
But as we continued to pray, research, and then ultimately wait, the Lord was clearly preparing us to move toward fostering.
And then we got the phone call. An application that we had sent in a while back and then forgotten about, for an infant adoption, was accepted and we were wanted at orientation. What?! Are you kidding? Long story short, we turned them down and officially decided to pursue fostering.
Then things started moving quickly. We chose an agency, completed the initial 20 page application, and started training in about a three week window. We have learned a lot, but still have a lot of unknowns. Here's a short list of a few things you might be wondering:
Our training classes will be about 30 hours over the next three weeks. In conjunction with that we will be filling out much more paperwork. Then we will complete a home study and fire and health inspections. In three to four months we should be licensed for placement.
Our age range is birth to five years old. We are open to any race or gender and can take up to two kiddos at once.
The goal with foster care is reunification with the family, but if that is not possible we will have the first opportunity to adopt the child. Which means we could have a few kids in and out of our home.
We have not tried to have our own kids yet. Yes, we probably will in the future, but know that right now the Lord has lead us to grow our family in this way.
Our parents are excited about becoming grandparents!
We have a ton of people who have been so helpful and encouraging during this process. We are extremely thankful for the many who have been behind us in so many ways, especially in prayer.
I know there are lots of things I have left out. I'm going to do my very best to use the blog as a way to keep everyone up to date on this beautiful journey, so feel free to follow along, leave comments and ask questions. We are happy to answer them to the best of our ability and love sharing our lives with others. So really... ask questions!
