Momma Musings

Confession:  I don't know if I always spell "momma" the same way.  In fact, I'm pretty sure in some of my earlier writings it has appeared as "mama."  I don't know which is right or which is wrong, but I see words in my head when I think about them and this particular word appears in two different ways.  Is that weird?  Probably.  I think I mostly see names spelled out in my head, but sometimes other words, too.  I'm not sure yet if I am going to be a momma or a mama.  I'll let you know if I ever decide.

In exactly two weeks from today, our names will be added to the open placement list for people who are currently receiving children from the system.  That's a big deal!  At different times we are nervous, excited, or don't feel like it's really happening.  Occasionally all those things at once.

The kids' room is just about ready.  There is one screw left to be inserted and I don't have sheets on the beds yet because the colors I chose for the room are not "baby" colors.  I would like cerulean blue sheets, but those do not exist apparently.  We also bought a car seat this weekend.  Parents, I salute you as you navigate the millions of choices that you are supposed to expertly make for your child's wellbeing.  I literally couldn't sleep the night we bought it because I was so stressed out.  Oh, and we are just about to start a remodel of our bathroom.  Hope the kids don't need to bathe.  (I'm kidding... not about the remodel, just about the bathing part... but The Hubs might have mentioned only needing a five-gallon bucket at one point.)

Up until yesterday these things consumed the majority of my thoughts where our future children were concerned.  But the Lord has been speaking to me much more frequently of late, for which I am very grateful.  I don't mean the burning bush kind of speaking, I just mean whispering in The Spirit as I turn my thoughts to Him.  The Lord just kind of has me in a place of longing for more of Him, especially as we get closer to growing our family and, on the side, are staging a mutiny against excess.

Yesterday I was overcome by the thought of not knowing where our kiddos might be right now.  We can't keep them safe, or make sure they aren't hungry.  I don't have a baby in my belly for safe keeping until he's ready to make his debut.  And I cried.  A lot.  This is scary and hard.

I'm thankful for encouraging friends like Jenn, who sent me this beautiful blog post that is worth the read.  We aren't heroes, we're simply being obedient.  Trying to look more like Jesus than a fat and happy (and blind) American.  Sorry if that's harsh.  Thankful for friends like Ashley who recently shared with me what the Lord has taught her about facing injustice.  Thankful for the numerous prayers that have been offered on our behalf.

I'm also thankful that I'm learning some lessons now, before the kids get here.  Like learning that this is going to be hard and my heart will break many times, but in that breaking He still holds me together.  Remembering that I can trust the Creator with myself and my kids.  Like learning again (for the gazillionth time, unfortunately) that comparison is the thief of joy.  Sometimes I really can be the only one in the room to get that baby to eat and take a nap, not for want of experienced and excellent mothers close at hand.  Learning, with the aforementioned car seat, that we will be responsible for lots of decisions we don't feel prepared to make.  And remembering that we are going to mess up.  Any bets on how long we have a kid before that happens?  My money's on 5.2 seconds.

So, let's muse on a few lighter topics.  Since, as stated, the beds are yet to be sheeted, I don't have full pictures of the kids' room, but I'll include a little peek today.  A couple of weeks ago we were the very grateful recipients of THE BEST baseball tickets I've ever had in my life.  It occurred to me as I was there, and fully convinced that I can now die happy, that very soon we will either need a babysitter or more tickets for such outings.  Then there was that time our agency forgot to make the small note that we shouldn't be on the placement list until August 12th, and I got a phone call to see if we would take a four day old baby from the hospital.  We said no.  Come on, we had to!  We also promptly got all dressed up and had a date night at Half Price to purchase our very own copy of What To Expect The First Year.  Because we have no clue.  Finally, I keep picking out songs I can't wait to sing to our kiddos!  I've never been a huge James Taylor fan, but he won me over after Brooke remade the little beaut below (and I saw him singing it with a head full of long locks).

You can't tell me that's not a good blue.

Daniel 10

I believe the comment was, "They're life-size!"

Date night :)

First Taste

Today we got our first taste of what it's like to be called by our agency with some news.  I got a phone call today, and we are officially licensed with the state to be foster parents!

We honestly weren't expecting that.  All we knew was that we were waiting to hear something, and that we had done everything on our end, but we didn't realize the next phone call we got from our agency would be to tell us we are ready.  So, in light of the fact that this just keeps getting more and more real, I thought I would do an FAQ post today.

We don't know all the answers, but we have gotten some fairly frequent questions that I do feel equipped to answer.  Feel free to ask more question or for elaboration.

What do you mean, licensed?  The children that will be staying in our home are wards of the state.  Therefore, we must be licensed with the state in order to even be considered for placement.

I thought you had an agency... what does the state have to do with it?  We do have an agency!  Our agency, along with several others, basically contracts with the state to help them place children in good homes.  Sadly, CPS is understaffed and overworked, so going through an agency is the quickest way to get connected to kiddos.  Plus, our agency will advocate for us.... something that wouldn't necessarily happen if we went directly through CPS.

What does this agency do?  Our agency is where we did all our training and they are helping us stay on top of all the paperwork and requirements from the state.  They will search out kids that fit what we are able to accommodate in our home and will be with us every step of the way.  We will have a case worker from our agency who will be assigned to us for the duration of us being foster parents.  That's different from the separate case worker that will be assigned to each child who goes through the system.  The agency also helps us keep our training current and connects us to support groups in our area.

Do you get to pick an age or type of kid you want?  Yes!  We want human kids!  (Sorry, just gotta throw in some sarcasm occasionally.)  Our age range is birth-5, any race, either gender.

Will you know about them before they live with you?  Probably not.  We are licensed to received emergency placements which means the kids have literally just been removed from their home, and that can happen any time of day, any day of the week.  We will most likely know an approximate age and hopefully gender before they come, but that's really not guaranteed.  Sometimes info gets lost or mistyped in the shuffle.

So how do you prepare for kids that fall in that range?  Great question!  We have a pack and play set up in the room, as well as a guest bed for bigger kids.  We also have a crib and toddler bed in the garage that we can set up when we get a better idea of who might be staying the night.  We have one package of each size of diapers, a changing table, a rocker, a monitor, toothbrushes in various sizes, as well as toothpaste (did you know they make training toothpaste?  Me neither until three days ago), washcloths, soap/shampoo, and a few outfits in various sizes courtesy of some lovely garage sales.  And we have a rear-facing car seat for little ones, as well as a booster seat for big ones.  When we get closer to our opening date we will also have snacks on hand!

When is your opening date?  As of today, when I got the phone call, we set a date.  We will go onto the placement list on August 12.  Why then?  Because that is the date of The Hubs latest deadline at work and he will be working like mad until then.  We decided that especially for our first placement we really want him to have some flexibility with his work schedule so he can come home to meet our little ones and spend time with them and their new momma.  He's gonna be such a good daddy!

How long will they stay with you?  Also a great question, and one that will be different in every case. There are lots of variables.  When kids are placed in foster care, their biological parents (bio's from here on out) will be able to present a list of relatives and close friends who could be willing to take the children.  Remember, the goal of foster care is reunification.  So CPS will check those people out and if all is well, the kids could be back with family within probably a month.  If that doesn't happen right away, there is a court hearing where the parents are given orders for how to make some changes in order to get their kids back.  They have up to a year, or even 18 months to work these services.  At any point during that process, a judge can decide the parents are fit to have the kids returned to them, or a judge can terminate parental rights, at which time we would change from a foster placement to an adoptive placement.  Then they will stay with us forever!

Do you want to adopt?  Yes, we do.  Adoption is actually what lead us to fostering in the first place.  Long story, better told in person.  If a child becomes available for adoption while they are living with us, we will do everything in our power to adopt them.  We know some people would see this as an opportunity to move a kid with "issues" out of our house, but we believe that not adopting that child will cause much more damage.  Think about it-  "my bio's didn't want me and now these other people who have lived with me for a year don't want me either.  I must be unlovable and no one will ever want me."  Yeah, not the message we want to send to ANY kid.

Will you keep foster after you adopt?  This is a question we ask as well.  Who knows?!  That will all depend on the circumstances and where we are at the time.  Maybe we won't have any more room in our current house, maybe we will be tired, maybe (dare I say it) we will want to try to have a baby grow inside of me.  We will ask the Lord what He wants us to do and proceed from there.

Don't you get paid to be a foster parent?  We will receive reimbursements, but that's not exactly like getting a paycheck, is it?  The state gives a certain amount per child, but as we have been told our whole lives and are very soon to find out for ourselves, kids are expensive.  We won't be making any money!

Why do you want to do this again?  We want to do this because it needs to be done.  We want to do this because not many others want to.  We want to do this because God put it on our hearts and we want to be obedient.  We want to do this because we don't want to be camels*.  You know, the kind that can't fit through needle eyes?  We don't want to be fooled into thinking that because we are a one income family with a small house and dumb phones and decade old cars that we aren't still incredibly well off and have the ability to give a lot more than we do.  We want to do this because we are loved beyond measure and want to share that love with anyone and everyone.

Are you still going to have any fun once you have kids, or will you just be sticks in the mud?  Okay, okay.  I'm the only one asking that question.  I certainly hope the latter will not be true of us, but we are definitely in for some big changes.  I guess the biggest place I wonder about this is in our ministries with the college students and Beloved women.  We have every intention of continuing to serve in those areas, but we also realize that our kids will come before others now.  This might be one of the hardest adjustments for me.  Kind of like when I first got married and had to start thinking about what was best for my husband instead of just doing whatever I wanted.  I'm confident everything will work out just like it needs to, though, seeing as how our amazing Father has brought us to this point.  We will just keep loving people to the best of our ability, in and out of our home.  :)

Can we know the kids?  Most definitely!  We would love to share our family with you.  There are some things that we won't do, though.  Even though I will be dying to show you how adorable and precious they are, there won't be any pictures available to you.  We won't talk about the bio's with you, especially not in front of the kids.  And we will always, always claim them as our own, especially in front of the kids.  So please, still come over for dinner, call, text, and hang out with us.  You just might have to fill out a background check to stay at our house.  No big deal.

What's next?  Forgive me if some of this has already been covered.  We will get to meet our case worker in the next couple of weeks which I'm really glad about.  We are still working our way through a couple of books that our agency tasked us to read, and I need to find something to put dirty diapers in.
And basically, we just wait until August 12th.  At that point, we will be put on the placement list and, in the words I heard over the phone today, "start sleeping with your phone by the bed because things can move quickly."

What else?  I'm sure I left something out.  We've been thinking about it for so long now that it just seems normal.  Then again, we are a little curious, aren't we?

Glad you were curious enough to read.

* video link courtesy of The Hubs

Sweet Blessings

If I am this bad about blogging without kids, let me just go head and call this one- I'm going to be terrible about blogging once we have kids!  I won't overload you with too many foster details all in one post, but wanted to start getting some of our recent happenings in writing before I get too far behind.

The short story is that we are finished with our homestudy, paperwork, inspections, and classes, and are working on the reading list while gathering supplies.  We had told our agency that July 15th was the earliest date we would be available to be put on the placement list, but that date doesn't really mean anything.  They are still processing on their end, and now The Hubs has a work deadline in early August that we are going to try to finish before going on the list.  So, we did a lot of work in a short amount of time and now we wait.

Remember that amazing group of friends who came and helped us get the house ready for kids?  Well, that same group of wives in our Bible Fellowship threw me a foster mommy shower!  It was the best thing ever!  They were so thoughtful in the preparations and our time together meant more than they will ever know.  They gave us toys, books, and gift cards since we don't know any specifics about the kiddos yet.  I also got the chance to explain some of what fostering will look like and answer questions.  And... I cried.  I'm not even prego!  Then there was a sweet time of prayer for us and the precious little ones that will be coming our way.

We are so thankful for such supportive friends who are ready to be called to action!

Wonderful hostesses and friends!

You can't tell me that's not impressive.
But I can tell you it was delicious!

So many little details that made it extra special.

Are you kidding me? So cute.

Cards with Scripture for our prayer time.
I told you it was well thought out.

Perfect gifts from my hostesses.
Check out this great Bible.

Fantastic start to our collection.

Can't wait to play with these.  :)

I'm sure Tim is eager to put this to use.  Ha!

Gift cards are awesome!

Thanks again to all our amazing friends for walking this road with us.

Glad you were curious enough to read.  

Goose Creek

The Hubs and I recently returned from a trip to Goose Creek.  We went to visit the Emory family with five college students, Team Reams, and their seven month old, Baby E, in tow.  15 people sleeping under one roof, and it was awesome!

We had so much fun I don't even know where to start.  How about the beginning?  We arrived on Saturday evening to a wonderful meal cooked by the amazing Brett.  In fact, amazing might be an understatement.  Yall, she cooked all our meals for the whole week.  I know I said there were 15 people sleeping in the house, but very rarely were we the only ones eating in the house.  Brett rocked all the meals and even pre-made food for when she was going to be gone on vacation at the end of the week.  I think it's safe to say we were spoiled.  (Somehow I didn't manage to get any pictures of her.)

Sunday morning we rearranged the house and had church.  The Emorys have started Hub Church right in their home and have a wonderful group of people meeting in their home.  They were ordaining their first elder that morning, so it was special to be with them and get to pray over he and his wife.  We're continuing to pray for you, Marcus and Allisha!  We were also able to hear the heart behind Hub Church and the thing that continues to stick with me the most is this: standard of living is not equal to quality of living.  This is something we know and believe, but it's great to have a concise way to say it and help keep us in check.

We spent our afternoon at the beach, which I was admittedly skeptical about, but ended up loving every minute of it.  This will be hard for some of you to believe, but the weather was so nice I had goosebumps... on the last day of June.  Who knew?!  (Sadly, I also have no pictures of the beach because I left my camera in the car.)

Monday we cleaned up a park and then passed out flyers in the neighborhood that evening to let them know about a park party the next afternoon.  It was really rainy the whole time we were there, but on this particular day, the radar showed storms all around us that would divide as they came to Goose Creek and reconvene on the other side.  Our God is big.  Christin did a wonderful job setting up the project and is probably one of the hardest workers I've ever had the pleasure of sweating next to.

Pulling weeds

Power washing... who needs a ladder?

Painting

What's a park party without snow cones and cotton candy?

And a bounce house, of course!

Tuesday morning, most of the team worked at a home to remove the back porch to make room for a new one and got completely drenched in the process.  I told you it rained a lot.

We played lots and lots of games.  Nothing like some good, friendly competition to bring out the fun in the Emory house.  I absolutely loved so much quality time with so many people!

We also had group devotions every night.  Different people lead us each day and it was a great time to reflect on how the Lord is moving among His people.  One night in particular, Tim shared about our obedience to the Lord through foster care and all the unknowns that go along with it.  After group time was over, one of the Hub Church men sat with us and told us of his family's journey through foster care and adoption.  Then he offered Tim his number so they can stay connected and encouraged.  We went to bed that night with very full hearts!  We had been praying for a man that Tim could turn to in hard times.  Jason, you had been prayed for and we are so thankful for you!

Wednesday, after making a stop by the local food pantry and possible future home of Hub Church, we got to go see Charleston.  So much history!  It was lots of fun riding around town and experiencing a new place.  And, of course, we got rained on again... the adventures just kept coming.

Anyone know this reenactment?

I want a porch like that.

Did I mention it rained?

Thursday was the Forth of July and we had lots of time to relax and play.  The boys bought (too many) fireworks because there are no laws about where to shoot them off in Goose Creek.  Needless to say, I was slightly on edge that night, but everyone made it through... eyebrows and all!  It was a really fun night with lots of games, neighbors, food, and laughter.

There were so many small, sweet things that happened throughout the week.  It was such a joy to be with the Emorys again.  We have missed them!  It was good to just sit and catch up.  They are such a special family.  They love each other well and their home is filled with so much happiness and laughter.  I've never been in a more hospitable house.  One of our students observed that they have really great attitudes and don't let much get to them.  Like the way that Sid cracked jokes as he cleaned up the GALLON of blue paint that spilled in his trunk, or the way Stacy couldn't talk because she was laughing so hard after getting soaked by the rain, not to mention how eager Wes, Will, and Bonnie were to share their home (and even give up a bed!) with us.  Bon Bon and I even got to sneak off for a fro yo date.  :)  The Emorys live out their love for God and love for others like we have been learning about at our church.  What a great example of Matthew 22:37-39 they are!  I know it wasn't really a vacation, but this is the most time The Hubs and I have gotten to spend together in a while and we loved it.  Two years and counting!  It was wonderful, as well, to hear the students talk about what they took away from our week in Goose Creek.  I'm so thankful they were obedient in the call to go and that they were listening while they were there. 

Speaking of two years, that's the span of time between the last two pictures I have with Bonnie.  Check this out:

Two years ago

Two days ago

We returned home on Friday and after all the students were picked up from the church we headed home.  As we drove I said, "Oh no!  We never made it to Mepkin Abbey!"  We grinned at each other and said together, "Guess we're just going to have to go back."

Glad you were curious enough to read.