First Taste

Today we got our first taste of what it's like to be called by our agency with some news.  I got a phone call today, and we are officially licensed with the state to be foster parents!

We honestly weren't expecting that.  All we knew was that we were waiting to hear something, and that we had done everything on our end, but we didn't realize the next phone call we got from our agency would be to tell us we are ready.  So, in light of the fact that this just keeps getting more and more real, I thought I would do an FAQ post today.

We don't know all the answers, but we have gotten some fairly frequent questions that I do feel equipped to answer.  Feel free to ask more question or for elaboration.

What do you mean, licensed?  The children that will be staying in our home are wards of the state.  Therefore, we must be licensed with the state in order to even be considered for placement.

I thought you had an agency... what does the state have to do with it?  We do have an agency!  Our agency, along with several others, basically contracts with the state to help them place children in good homes.  Sadly, CPS is understaffed and overworked, so going through an agency is the quickest way to get connected to kiddos.  Plus, our agency will advocate for us.... something that wouldn't necessarily happen if we went directly through CPS.

What does this agency do?  Our agency is where we did all our training and they are helping us stay on top of all the paperwork and requirements from the state.  They will search out kids that fit what we are able to accommodate in our home and will be with us every step of the way.  We will have a case worker from our agency who will be assigned to us for the duration of us being foster parents.  That's different from the separate case worker that will be assigned to each child who goes through the system.  The agency also helps us keep our training current and connects us to support groups in our area.

Do you get to pick an age or type of kid you want?  Yes!  We want human kids!  (Sorry, just gotta throw in some sarcasm occasionally.)  Our age range is birth-5, any race, either gender.

Will you know about them before they live with you?  Probably not.  We are licensed to received emergency placements which means the kids have literally just been removed from their home, and that can happen any time of day, any day of the week.  We will most likely know an approximate age and hopefully gender before they come, but that's really not guaranteed.  Sometimes info gets lost or mistyped in the shuffle.

So how do you prepare for kids that fall in that range?  Great question!  We have a pack and play set up in the room, as well as a guest bed for bigger kids.  We also have a crib and toddler bed in the garage that we can set up when we get a better idea of who might be staying the night.  We have one package of each size of diapers, a changing table, a rocker, a monitor, toothbrushes in various sizes, as well as toothpaste (did you know they make training toothpaste?  Me neither until three days ago), washcloths, soap/shampoo, and a few outfits in various sizes courtesy of some lovely garage sales.  And we have a rear-facing car seat for little ones, as well as a booster seat for big ones.  When we get closer to our opening date we will also have snacks on hand!

When is your opening date?  As of today, when I got the phone call, we set a date.  We will go onto the placement list on August 12.  Why then?  Because that is the date of The Hubs latest deadline at work and he will be working like mad until then.  We decided that especially for our first placement we really want him to have some flexibility with his work schedule so he can come home to meet our little ones and spend time with them and their new momma.  He's gonna be such a good daddy!

How long will they stay with you?  Also a great question, and one that will be different in every case. There are lots of variables.  When kids are placed in foster care, their biological parents (bio's from here on out) will be able to present a list of relatives and close friends who could be willing to take the children.  Remember, the goal of foster care is reunification.  So CPS will check those people out and if all is well, the kids could be back with family within probably a month.  If that doesn't happen right away, there is a court hearing where the parents are given orders for how to make some changes in order to get their kids back.  They have up to a year, or even 18 months to work these services.  At any point during that process, a judge can decide the parents are fit to have the kids returned to them, or a judge can terminate parental rights, at which time we would change from a foster placement to an adoptive placement.  Then they will stay with us forever!

Do you want to adopt?  Yes, we do.  Adoption is actually what lead us to fostering in the first place.  Long story, better told in person.  If a child becomes available for adoption while they are living with us, we will do everything in our power to adopt them.  We know some people would see this as an opportunity to move a kid with "issues" out of our house, but we believe that not adopting that child will cause much more damage.  Think about it-  "my bio's didn't want me and now these other people who have lived with me for a year don't want me either.  I must be unlovable and no one will ever want me."  Yeah, not the message we want to send to ANY kid.

Will you keep foster after you adopt?  This is a question we ask as well.  Who knows?!  That will all depend on the circumstances and where we are at the time.  Maybe we won't have any more room in our current house, maybe we will be tired, maybe (dare I say it) we will want to try to have a baby grow inside of me.  We will ask the Lord what He wants us to do and proceed from there.

Don't you get paid to be a foster parent?  We will receive reimbursements, but that's not exactly like getting a paycheck, is it?  The state gives a certain amount per child, but as we have been told our whole lives and are very soon to find out for ourselves, kids are expensive.  We won't be making any money!

Why do you want to do this again?  We want to do this because it needs to be done.  We want to do this because not many others want to.  We want to do this because God put it on our hearts and we want to be obedient.  We want to do this because we don't want to be camels*.  You know, the kind that can't fit through needle eyes?  We don't want to be fooled into thinking that because we are a one income family with a small house and dumb phones and decade old cars that we aren't still incredibly well off and have the ability to give a lot more than we do.  We want to do this because we are loved beyond measure and want to share that love with anyone and everyone.

Are you still going to have any fun once you have kids, or will you just be sticks in the mud?  Okay, okay.  I'm the only one asking that question.  I certainly hope the latter will not be true of us, but we are definitely in for some big changes.  I guess the biggest place I wonder about this is in our ministries with the college students and Beloved women.  We have every intention of continuing to serve in those areas, but we also realize that our kids will come before others now.  This might be one of the hardest adjustments for me.  Kind of like when I first got married and had to start thinking about what was best for my husband instead of just doing whatever I wanted.  I'm confident everything will work out just like it needs to, though, seeing as how our amazing Father has brought us to this point.  We will just keep loving people to the best of our ability, in and out of our home.  :)

Can we know the kids?  Most definitely!  We would love to share our family with you.  There are some things that we won't do, though.  Even though I will be dying to show you how adorable and precious they are, there won't be any pictures available to you.  We won't talk about the bio's with you, especially not in front of the kids.  And we will always, always claim them as our own, especially in front of the kids.  So please, still come over for dinner, call, text, and hang out with us.  You just might have to fill out a background check to stay at our house.  No big deal.

What's next?  Forgive me if some of this has already been covered.  We will get to meet our case worker in the next couple of weeks which I'm really glad about.  We are still working our way through a couple of books that our agency tasked us to read, and I need to find something to put dirty diapers in.
And basically, we just wait until August 12th.  At that point, we will be put on the placement list and, in the words I heard over the phone today, "start sleeping with your phone by the bed because things can move quickly."

What else?  I'm sure I left something out.  We've been thinking about it for so long now that it just seems normal.  Then again, we are a little curious, aren't we?

Glad you were curious enough to read.

* video link courtesy of The Hubs