The Curious Caves: January 2014

I drive a minivan... and I like it. There. I said it.

Before children I fully intended to fight the inevitable minivan much harder than I actually did. (I say inevitable because I've always known I'm too cheap to own a fancy SUV with a third row.) I thought, "Surely I can make it to 30 before giving in. Who wants to drive a minivan in their 20s?" Pride much?

But can I just say- it. is. awesome.

In case you don't know, I am tall. I hated having to bend myself in half to get the boys in and out of the car. And I practically had to crawl out of it with my ridiculously long legs after riding in it. Also, the third row doubles as a changing table. And I can fit my groceries in the back, even with the stroller, rather than having to pile them in the passenger seat because there was not a square inch of room left in the trunk when our double stroller was in it. Plus, when we went on vacay we just popped the back row out of that bad boy and loaded it up. The Hubs even said, "It feels like we're cheating," because there wasn't stuff in our laps.

Did I mention this is my Mema's 1999 minivan with a tape deck and fluffy seatbelt cover? Don't worry, I've never claimed to be hip or trendy.

So there. I drive a minivan, and yes, I like it.

Glad you were curious enough to read.

I think it's about time for an update. Not that I can say all that much about the boys or their case, but I am ready for the freedom to start writing again about our silly little adventures and crazy little life. I'm not really sure where to start or how to put this, but I guess I've been quiet for so long because I was afraid of being fake.

See, I knew that if I told cute stories about our kiddos, people would read them and be entertained, but I would be presenting only a very small part of our story. What I have to say, what's been festering in me for the last few months, is not earth shattering. Neither will it be surprising to many people. But I need to be honest before I can be entertaining, or funny, or witty, or any other thing that I might aspire to be.

So here it is- parenting is hard. I don't just mean the what-do-we-feed-them, who-do-we-trust-them-to, they-don't-want-to-nap-today, their-shoes-are-on-the-wrong-feet stuff. All those things do add up to a lot, but what I really mean is that becoming a parent is hard. Becoming a parent exposes the good, the bad, and the ugly in a person. And I've found out that I have a lot of ugly.

We knew that we didn't sign up for a cake walk when we decided to foster and become parents, but what I didn't expect was my reaction to being a parent. How do I deal with all this ugly? But as I've talked to other women, both foster and biological parents, I've learned that I'm not alone. Unfortunately, we just don't always talk about the hard parts. My hope in sharing is that whether you are a current or future parent, we would be able to have real conversations about ourselves.

An important lesson in all this is that I have barely scratched the surface of the unconditional love that the Father has for us. As I experience the all to easily recognizable sin nature of a one and two year old, I know that beneath my exterior of "acting correctly" and "following rules" I can still kick and scream and throw a fit when I don't get my way. I must look like such a child to my Heavenly Father as I try to hide my sin from Him and the world. "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give his only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." (Townend)

But enough (probably too much) about me, and on to the boys. They had a wonderful Christmas with a visit from Oma and Opa, a family vacation, and a visit from Lolli and Pop. We have new bikes, which we like to walk instead of ride, and a toy kitchen that is capable of concocting whatever the imagination can desire, and 20 million new cars (no. lie.). Oh, and The Hubs has discovered the art of home videos.

February is a big month for us. The boys will have a placement hearing. We will go, may or may not be involved, and at the end will know one way or the other whether the boys are staying as part of our family or not. At least that is what we have been told. Basically, the judge will review the case that has unfolded over the last year and make a decision. The day after the hearing the boys will have been with us for six months.

We hope everyone had wonderful holidays and wish you many blessings in the year to come. Please let us hear from you if we haven't in a while!