Breaking the Silence

I think it's about time for an update.  Not that I can say all that much about the boys or their case, but I am ready for the freedom to start writing again about our silly little adventures and crazy little life.  I'm not really sure where to start or how to put this, but I guess I've been quiet for so long because I was afraid of being fake.

See, I knew that if I told cute stories about our kiddos, people would read them and be entertained, but I would be presenting only a very small part of our story.  What I have to say, what's been festering in me for the last few months, is not earth shattering.  Neither will it be surprising to many people.  But I need to be honest before I can be entertaining, or funny, or witty, or any other thing that I might aspire to be.  

So here it is- parenting is hard.  I don't just mean the what-do-we-feed-them, who-do-we-trust-them-to, they-don't-want-to-nap-today, their-shoes-are-on-the-wrong-feet stuff.  All those things do add up to a lot, but what I really mean is that becoming a parent is hard.  Becoming a parent exposes the good, the bad, and the ugly in a person.  And I've found out that I have a lot of ugly.  

We knew that we didn't sign up for a cake walk when we decided to foster and become parents, but what I didn't expect was my reaction to being a parent.  How do I deal with all this ugly?  But as I've talked to other women, both foster and biological parents, I've learned that I'm not alone.  Unfortunately, we just don't always talk about the hard parts.  My hope in sharing is that whether you are a current or future parent, we would be able to have real conversations about ourselves.

An important lesson in all this is that I have barely scratched the surface of the unconditional love that the Father has for us.  As I experience the all to easily recognizable sin nature of a one and two year old, I know that beneath my exterior of "acting correctly" and "following rules" I can still kick and scream and throw a fit when I don't get my way.  I must look like such a child to my Heavenly Father as I try to hide my sin from Him and the world.  "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give his only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." (Townend)

But enough (probably too much) about me, and on to the boys.  They had a wonderful Christmas with a visit from Oma and Opa, a family vacation, and a visit from Lolli and Pop.  We have new bikes, which we like to walk instead of ride, and a toy kitchen that is capable of concocting whatever the imagination can desire, and 20 million new cars (no. lie.).  Oh, and The Hubs has discovered the art of home videos.  

February is a big month for us.  The boys will have a placement hearing.  We will go, may or may not be involved, and at the end will know one way or the other whether the boys are staying as part of our family or not.  At least that is what we have been told.  Basically, the judge will review the case that has unfolded over the last year and make a decision.  The day after the hearing the boys will have been with us for six months.  

We hope everyone had wonderful holidays and wish you many blessings in the year to come.  Please let us hear from you if we haven't in a while!

Oh, little town of Bethlehem

Thanks for the kitchen, Oma!

We love vacation!

Little Brother is dangerously close to the mullet line.

Thanks for the gingerbread house, Lolli... and the candy we got to sneak!

Glad you were curious enough to read.