On Birthdays, Attachment, and Poop

On Birthdays

Our boys both had birthdays in March!  Big Brother was first and turned three years old.  He can dress and undress himself, and he washes himself and his hair in the bathtub now.  He loves to eat.  We're talking if you have food and he doesn't, he goes into full baby bird mode- head up, mouth open, big brown eyes batting long eyelashes worthy of envy.  He loves to play with cars and trucks, ride his bike, and read books.  Go, Diego, Go is his favorite show to watch and he loves music.  I'm pretty sure he is destined for the percussion section with the way he is constantly drumming on anything that stays still long enough.

Little Brother came next and turned two years old.  He is gaining independence and has the attitude to prove it.  He wants to climb on his own, eat on his own, and bike on his own, even if the results are not pretty.  (Let's be honest, he walks his tricycle instead of riding it.)  If we're not quick enough getting the food in front of him once he's at the table, he lets us know all about it.  He has two great joys- cars and outside.  When you combine the two, he is happy as a lark.  He's not super interested in TV, but would rather look at a book.  I'm not offended.  He's got the best dance moves I've ever seen and loves to use them often.

We got to have a joint party with all of our my friends and their kids.  It. was. the. best.

Lined up by age.  Missing the baby who was napping, and one other
still in a tummy.  How do we have so many kids?!

The Brothers checking out their new train set along with their twin friends.
And their other twin friends in the background.  Oh yeah.  That's why there's
so many... they all came two by two!

On Attachment

People generally say that they would not be able to foster because they could never let a child leave their home once they had arrived.  This is definitely a risky business which could certainly end in heartbreak.  But, let me say this with all the grace I can muster: attachment is not an immediate reaction for child or parent.  Notice I did not specify foster or biological families.  With that being said, there have been some sweet moments of attachment lately!

Big Brother had his very first school performance.  His class got one song, and essentially they were just turned loose up on the stage with some ribbons while some music played.  Before it began, Big Brother was sitting on the steps of the stage with his class waiting for everyone to arrive.  He kept looking to make sure we were still there and waving at us.  When he moved up on the stage, he got a little disoriented and couldn't find us.  The music was playing, his friends were dancing, but all he was doing was saying, "Mama!" as he searched the room for us.  When he finally spotted us, I cannot even explain the eruption of joyful dancing that burst out of that child.  And I cried.  And laughed.  Tears of joy for this precious boy who is capturing more and more of my heart.

Later that same night we were out past our usual 7pm and Little Brother let me hold and snuggle him for about half an hour.  Trust me, this is a rare thing for one as independent as he.  My Mama heart was so full!

On Poop

We have officially potty trained, people!  Well, one child at least.  The decreased amount of diapers in this house is glorious.  Remember that time Big Brother had a third birthday?  Yeah.  That's when he got his very own big boy potty and big boy underwear, because using the potty was going to be the most exciting thing he had ever done in his tiny little life.  {Pause: I think I hear The Hubs cleaning up a nap time accident as I type.  Oops.}  Potty at home came easier than potty away from home, so when he had an accident free day, he got to call Lolli and tell her he went poop at school.

Naturally, the next time he pooped at school, he felt like he needed to call Lolli and tell her.  And also Pop and Uncle Goober.  Lolli and Pop both answered their phones.  Uncle Goober did not.  Here's the message that was left right after Big Brother's aforementioned success on the stage at school: "Uncle Boober, I poop on the steps!"

For Free

In February, we were in court to learn how the boys' case was going to end.  Their parents' rights were terminated and the case is now in a 90 day waiting period.  It was heart-wrenching to witness the breaking of a family.  I cried all the way home from court, knowing that I should be happy we were one step closer to adoption, but needing to grieve this great loss that had just occurred.  I know it will be a long time before our boys will be able to understand what happened that day, but when they do we will grieve again.  And again.  And probably some more.  May 12th is the end of our 90 days, after which we should officially become an adoptive placement!  Don't know much on a timeline from there, but we should be a forever family sooner than we ever could have imagined.

Glad you were curious enough to read.

What A Man

A few days ago I was spending some time with one of my sweet friends and telling her how wonderful The Hubs has been in all of this new parenting stuff.  Her question to me was, "Have you told him that?"  I had told him, but I think he deserves some bragging in a more public arena.

My man has been with me 100% every step of this journey.  He has gracefully entered fatherhood by doing things like shouting and hollering when a diaper is particularly smelly, carrying a child at arms length in order to decide what to do with him right after he's pinched the tar out of Dada's inner thigh, and being the first to jump at the offer of a minivan.  He works hard all day in order to "Bacon home," as Big Brother puts it, and still hits the ground running when he gets home, where he tackles the dishes while being tackled by toddlers.  He gives the boys their baths at night, reads books with them, makes them laugh at the dinner table, and has epic dance parties with them.  He has instituted the "two boys" maneuver that is now a staple in our house, and also probably the cause of his recent back injury.  Oops.

While his praises as a father could go on, it's his unrelenting husbanding (yes, I just made that a verb) that blows me away.  We've had a lot to deal with.  And part of what Tim has had to deal with has been  The Ugly.  I cannot imagine how he could have done this better.  He has listened and waited and not tried to fix me.  He has made me laugh, been quiet with me, sent me out of the house, and been my best friend.  He hasn't pushed me to figure out my junk, but has walked beside me and loved me when I haven't felt very lovable.  My words don't do him justice... we're talking husband of the year, here!  I think I'll keep him.

The other day when I picked Big Brother up from school his teacher told me he'd been saying, "Daddy love Mama!" That speaks volumes on so many levels.

Confession

I drive a minivan... and I like it.  There.  I said it.

Before children I fully intended to fight the inevitable minivan much harder than I actually did.  (I say inevitable because I've always known I'm too cheap to own a fancy SUV with a third row.)  I thought, "Surely I can make it to 30 before giving in.  Who wants to drive a minivan in their 20s?" Pride much?

But can I just say- it. is. awesome.

In case you don't know, I am tall.  I hated having to bend myself in half to get the boys in and out of the car.  And I practically had to crawl out of it with my ridiculously long legs after riding in it.  Also, the third row doubles as a changing table.  And I can fit my groceries in the back, even with the stroller, rather than having to pile them in the passenger seat because there was not a square inch of room left in the trunk when our double stroller was in it.  Plus, when we went on vacay we just popped the back row out of that bad boy and loaded it up.  The Hubs even said, "It feels like we're cheating," because there wasn't stuff in our laps.

Did I mention this is my Mema's 1999 minivan with a tape deck and fluffy seatbelt cover?  Don't worry, I've never claimed to be hip or trendy.

So there.  I drive a minivan, and yes, I like it.

Glad you were curious enough to read.

Breaking the Silence

I think it's about time for an update.  Not that I can say all that much about the boys or their case, but I am ready for the freedom to start writing again about our silly little adventures and crazy little life.  I'm not really sure where to start or how to put this, but I guess I've been quiet for so long because I was afraid of being fake.

See, I knew that if I told cute stories about our kiddos, people would read them and be entertained, but I would be presenting only a very small part of our story.  What I have to say, what's been festering in me for the last few months, is not earth shattering.  Neither will it be surprising to many people.  But I need to be honest before I can be entertaining, or funny, or witty, or any other thing that I might aspire to be.  

So here it is- parenting is hard.  I don't just mean the what-do-we-feed-them, who-do-we-trust-them-to, they-don't-want-to-nap-today, their-shoes-are-on-the-wrong-feet stuff.  All those things do add up to a lot, but what I really mean is that becoming a parent is hard.  Becoming a parent exposes the good, the bad, and the ugly in a person.  And I've found out that I have a lot of ugly.  

We knew that we didn't sign up for a cake walk when we decided to foster and become parents, but what I didn't expect was my reaction to being a parent.  How do I deal with all this ugly?  But as I've talked to other women, both foster and biological parents, I've learned that I'm not alone.  Unfortunately, we just don't always talk about the hard parts.  My hope in sharing is that whether you are a current or future parent, we would be able to have real conversations about ourselves.

An important lesson in all this is that I have barely scratched the surface of the unconditional love that the Father has for us.  As I experience the all to easily recognizable sin nature of a one and two year old, I know that beneath my exterior of "acting correctly" and "following rules" I can still kick and scream and throw a fit when I don't get my way.  I must look like such a child to my Heavenly Father as I try to hide my sin from Him and the world.  "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give his only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." (Townend)

But enough (probably too much) about me, and on to the boys.  They had a wonderful Christmas with a visit from Oma and Opa, a family vacation, and a visit from Lolli and Pop.  We have new bikes, which we like to walk instead of ride, and a toy kitchen that is capable of concocting whatever the imagination can desire, and 20 million new cars (no. lie.).  Oh, and The Hubs has discovered the art of home videos.  

February is a big month for us.  The boys will have a placement hearing.  We will go, may or may not be involved, and at the end will know one way or the other whether the boys are staying as part of our family or not.  At least that is what we have been told.  Basically, the judge will review the case that has unfolded over the last year and make a decision.  The day after the hearing the boys will have been with us for six months.  

We hope everyone had wonderful holidays and wish you many blessings in the year to come.  Please let us hear from you if we haven't in a while!

Oh, little town of Bethlehem

Thanks for the kitchen, Oma!

We love vacation!

Little Brother is dangerously close to the mullet line.

Thanks for the gingerbread house, Lolli... and the candy we got to sneak!

Glad you were curious enough to read.  

A Day in The Life

Somewhere in the last week or two we seem to have shifted into feeling a little settled.  I can't really pinpoint when it happened, or what is different, but the boys are doing really well and I seem to be getting the hang of our new routine.  So I thought today I would regale you with the tale of our morning.  Which, of course, requires some backstory, so here we go.

On Saturday, Little Brother fell with his face on a toy.  As the toy was being introduced to his face it busted his bottom lip and cut his upper gum.  Fun times were had by all over the next few hours as we spent part of our Saturday at the ER.  We were given a phone number and told to call the dentist on Monday to schedule a follow up appointment.  Which I did.

On Monday, I scheduled a dentist appointment for Little Brother at 8am on Wednesday.  "Great," I thought.  "We can do it early and still get him to Mother's Day Out reasonably close to 9am."  I was told to call insurance before we arrived to get this new dentist's name on our account.  Which I did not do.

Thus began my morning.  At approximately 7:24am I made my first call to the insurance company when I realized I hadn't followed instructions.  The card definitely says 24hrs/day, so you can imagine my surprise when I said all the right words to the computer and pushed all the right numbers to navigate my call to the right person only to hear a recorded message tell me I had not called during office hours.  I still had 36 minutes before they could help me.  I also had 36 minutes until I needed to check in at the dentist with a confirmation number from insurance and my boys might have still been in their jammers.  Great.

So now I'm the lady in the waiting room with the huge double stroller (because it's just easier when they are contained) who doesn't have a confirmation number yet and isn't answering the gentleman at the front desk when he calls my son's name because I'm on the phone with insurance.  Yeah, that's me. Oh, and then there's barely any service in the office and my phone is about to die so I'm wandering the room for pockets of service while trying to push the right numbers to navigate my call and then asking the nice lady to repeat my confirmation number because I only heard the first three numbers and the last  two.  Ok, got it.

After that, things went well with the dentist.  They have all these cool vintage video games and toys, so the boys were totally happy, until Little Brother needed an x-ray.  I had to sit with him in the chair, hold him down and let them get a picture.  Then he had to get in the big chair to let the dentist check out his gum.  Thankfully, we got good reports all around, he was just mad because we held him down.  I would be too.

Now it's time to leave.  Both boys are screaming as I put them in the stroller because they have to leave the toy cars behind.  We LOVE cars.  But the dentist gave them each a balloon shaped like a sword.  They made it from the office to the outside of the car.  As I was putting bags in the car I heard the first pop.  Little Brother decided to chew his sword and all that was left was the tiny curve of the handle.  The next thing I know, he's grabbed Big Brother's balloon and Big Brother is screaming.  Then came the second pop.  Little Brother bites again!  There was no refrigerator to hide behind and I wanted to laugh so bad, but I held it together for Big Brother.

Little Brother goes into the car.  Big Brother goes into the car clinging on to the tiny handle left of his balloon.  And my shirt is wet.  Which means Big Brother's pants are wet.  So, out comes Big Brother, stripped down to t-shirt and socks with diaper and pants on the ground beside.  On goes a new diaper and (thankfully) the shorts that were in his backpack.  Back goes Big Brother into the car, along with the wet pants and diaper in the floorboard, because parking lots don't have trash cans and why would I have anything to store a wet diaper in?  Oh, wait.  I'm the mom.  Oops.

We made it to school and found a trash can.  Big Brother dropped off the cookies he made for his teachers.  And I'm still wearing the pee shirt.  Oops again.

Never a dull moment.  I so wish I could show you their sweet faces and beautiful smiles.  I know they would brighten your day, just like they do for all the strangers we meet at the grocery store.  They always tell everyone hi and I can literally see people's countenance change because of the kindness of our kiddos.  It's a great reminder to me that we have lots of joy to share with the world.

Invitation to date night at my favorite coffee shop

New "packpacks" from Lolli and Pop!

My boys at the balloon festival

Big Brother loves to cook

Little Brother thinks he's funny

Taking Daddy's shoes for a spin

Glad you were curious enough to read.

Life's a Little Different

What adventures we have been having!  Our boys have been here for over a month and life is completely different than before they came.  I'm guessing no one is surprised by that!

Parenting is hard work.  Sometimes it even feels like an uphill battle, but overall it has been good.  The Hubs and I have been learning a lot and laughing a lot... and making lots of mistakes along the way as well.  There's so much going on, in fact, that I'm not quite sure what to write about.  So here's a few of the ways life is different for us now:

~ I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator to laugh at things I shouldn't laugh at.

~ We can't carpool anymore.  Well, maybe that's the glass-half-empty view.  Maybe I should say we always carpool now.

~ We recently spent a Saturday evening crawling on our hands and knees down the hallway looking for poop.  All I know is The Hubs stepped in it and I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard.  Big Brother spent the rest of the night stopping occasionally to check the bottom of his foot to make sure it was clean.

~ We watch TV and movies with captions now.  Our house is too small to turn the volume up once the boys have gone to bed.

~ Our days revolve around naptime and bedtime.

~ Tim is now a proud Amazon Mom.

~ I have a crumpled up bag of Teddy Grahams in my purse.

~ We have learned to experience a new kind of freedom at church.  It's called child care.  We already knew about the freedom Jesus gives us from our sins and our past, but this is pretty awesome, too.

~ Whoever doesn't have the kids has to gets to drive the Danger Ranger.

~ We are learning the art of disguising vegetables.  The boys are picky, we are tricky.  Like having "snow covered green beans" (green beans in mashed potatoes... which aren't even disguised that well, but whatever, it worked).  Or homemade pizza (with pureed veggies for sauce).  And don't forget the ground up broccoli in the scrambled eggs.  Any vegetable eaten = parenting win!

Yep.  When your life stops revolving around you and your spouse and very rapidly starts revolving around two toddlers, everything changes.  This stuff is just the tip of the ice berg.  I mean, I was basically doing whatever I wanted for an entire year.  And now my attention is in constant demand.  Things are very different, but they're good.

Pretty sure Little Brother is a yoga baby.

Big Brother at the museum with Tia Janet and Opa.

Glad you were curious enough to read.

PS- I really am on enough of a brain overload to not know what to write about.  If you are curious about us, the boys, our family, etc., please leave a comment with a question and I'll do a Q&A next time.  :)

Family of Four

Where to begin?!  I guess I should first say that we have multiplied and are now a family of four!  On August 11th, we had two little boys come to stay with us, and we are two weeks into our new normal.  

Because this is a foster situation we won't be sharing too many specific details about our sweet ones, but we did want to let everyone know we're all alive and kickin'.

A few things we can share- Big Brother is 2 and 1/2 years old with one of the best giggles you have ever heard.  Little Brother is 1 and 1/2 years old with a rival giggle of his own.  They are sweet, happy boys and they definitely keep us on our toes.  They love cars and books and being outside.  And as you can imagine, quite age appropriately, they can have a few fits here and there.

They arrived on a Sunday afternoon, construction on their bathroom started Monday morning, and by Wednesday The Hubs was in bed with a stomach bug, followed by me on Thursday.  We were so afraid the boys would get it so I followed everyone around with Lysol for several days.  They never got it, but did decide to share a good ole head cold with me.  Awesome.

Because of said construction, we were quarantined to the kitchen for the better part of the first week and a half.  They played, ate, and napped in there with no trouble.  And I was beyond thankful to learn that they can sleep through loud power tools during nap time.

The Brothers share a bedroom and we hear them talking with one another at night over the monitor for a while before they fall asleep.  It's pretty darn cute!  They also love going to church and playing in the nursery, which is a really good thing since we are there so much.

Big Brother loves to eat pizza and Little Brother loves to eat just about anything you put in front of him.    We have been blessed beyond measure by friends who have brought us meals and done grocery shopping for us while we were sick and figuring out how to do life with two toddlers.  Seriously, we could not have made it these last two weeks without our amazing, supportive friends.

This weekend, we had our first grandparent visit!  Lolli and Pop (my parents) came Friday and Saturday.  They are pretty smitten with the boys and Big Brother has not stopped asking for them yet.  We loved that they were here to lend some helping hands... we even got to do the yard work that had been completely neglected since our little guys came.  Next weekend Oma and Opa (Tim's parents) will get their turn.

Prayers are still very much appreciated as we all continue to learn about each other and how to live together.  Parents are tired, boys will be boys, and everyone has gone through a lot of change in a short amount of time.  Often, this job feels too big for me, but I gratefully remember that I serve a God who is Love, Peace, Unchanging, Provider, Strength, Victor, All-Knowing, Creator, Wise, Faithful, Merciful, Gracious....

Five minutes after arrival.

The normal dinner crime scene.

My view these days.  Oh how I wish I could show you their faces!

Glad you were curious enough to read.