Momma Musings

Confession:  I don't know if I always spell "momma" the same way.  In fact, I'm pretty sure in some of my earlier writings it has appeared as "mama."  I don't know which is right or which is wrong, but I see words in my head when I think about them and this particular word appears in two different ways.  Is that weird?  Probably.  I think I mostly see names spelled out in my head, but sometimes other words, too.  I'm not sure yet if I am going to be a momma or a mama.  I'll let you know if I ever decide.

In exactly two weeks from today, our names will be added to the open placement list for people who are currently receiving children from the system.  That's a big deal!  At different times we are nervous, excited, or don't feel like it's really happening.  Occasionally all those things at once.

The kids' room is just about ready.  There is one screw left to be inserted and I don't have sheets on the beds yet because the colors I chose for the room are not "baby" colors.  I would like cerulean blue sheets, but those do not exist apparently.  We also bought a car seat this weekend.  Parents, I salute you as you navigate the millions of choices that you are supposed to expertly make for your child's wellbeing.  I literally couldn't sleep the night we bought it because I was so stressed out.  Oh, and we are just about to start a remodel of our bathroom.  Hope the kids don't need to bathe.  (I'm kidding... not about the remodel, just about the bathing part... but The Hubs might have mentioned only needing a five-gallon bucket at one point.)

Up until yesterday these things consumed the majority of my thoughts where our future children were concerned.  But the Lord has been speaking to me much more frequently of late, for which I am very grateful.  I don't mean the burning bush kind of speaking, I just mean whispering in The Spirit as I turn my thoughts to Him.  The Lord just kind of has me in a place of longing for more of Him, especially as we get closer to growing our family and, on the side, are staging a mutiny against excess.

Yesterday I was overcome by the thought of not knowing where our kiddos might be right now.  We can't keep them safe, or make sure they aren't hungry.  I don't have a baby in my belly for safe keeping until he's ready to make his debut.  And I cried.  A lot.  This is scary and hard.

I'm thankful for encouraging friends like Jenn, who sent me this beautiful blog post that is worth the read.  We aren't heroes, we're simply being obedient.  Trying to look more like Jesus than a fat and happy (and blind) American.  Sorry if that's harsh.  Thankful for friends like Ashley who recently shared with me what the Lord has taught her about facing injustice.  Thankful for the numerous prayers that have been offered on our behalf.

I'm also thankful that I'm learning some lessons now, before the kids get here.  Like learning that this is going to be hard and my heart will break many times, but in that breaking He still holds me together.  Remembering that I can trust the Creator with myself and my kids.  Like learning again (for the gazillionth time, unfortunately) that comparison is the thief of joy.  Sometimes I really can be the only one in the room to get that baby to eat and take a nap, not for want of experienced and excellent mothers close at hand.  Learning, with the aforementioned car seat, that we will be responsible for lots of decisions we don't feel prepared to make.  And remembering that we are going to mess up.  Any bets on how long we have a kid before that happens?  My money's on 5.2 seconds.

So, let's muse on a few lighter topics.  Since, as stated, the beds are yet to be sheeted, I don't have full pictures of the kids' room, but I'll include a little peek today.  A couple of weeks ago we were the very grateful recipients of THE BEST baseball tickets I've ever had in my life.  It occurred to me as I was there, and fully convinced that I can now die happy, that very soon we will either need a babysitter or more tickets for such outings.  Then there was that time our agency forgot to make the small note that we shouldn't be on the placement list until August 12th, and I got a phone call to see if we would take a four day old baby from the hospital.  We said no.  Come on, we had to!  We also promptly got all dressed up and had a date night at Half Price to purchase our very own copy of What To Expect The First Year.  Because we have no clue.  Finally, I keep picking out songs I can't wait to sing to our kiddos!  I've never been a huge James Taylor fan, but he won me over after Brooke remade the little beaut below (and I saw him singing it with a head full of long locks).

You can't tell me that's not a good blue.

Daniel 10

I believe the comment was, "They're life-size!"

Date night :)